There's a saying "When the going gets tough, the tough get going!" Most people I think would view this as a motivational saying. While this is an encouraging statement, sometimes we reach the end of our rope, no matter how tough we think we might be.
Sometimes it seems like...
I can't take another pill
I can't drink another bitter or sickeningly sweet medicine
I can't bear the pain of another insulin shot
I can't stand another minute of no freedom as I'm hooked to multiple IV lines
I can't stand the cooped up feeling of the four confining walls another minute
I can't wait to breath some fresh air or step out in the sunshine or rain
I can't stand another interrupted night of being waken every few hours
I can't stand another taste of Heparin flush in my ports
I can't stand another minute of a tri-fusion catheter digging into my skin
I can't bear the thought of the semester of college I'm missing
I can't take another minute of the shrill beeping of the IV stand
I can't bear another minute of the crying children down the hall
But when I can't take any more, I know God is my only help. On his last day, Dr. Cooke shared two passages of Scripture with me. The first was Phillipians 4:13- I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me. I can't do anything on my own, only through Christ's strength. This is a constant reminder that I can't be dependent on my own strength, as it is failing.
The other passage he shared was Romans 8:37-39, which I have paraphrased below.
We are more than conquerors, through God who loved us. For neither death nor life, nor angels, nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other thing is able to separate me from the love of God which is from Christ Jesus our Lord.
I think one of the main things I've experienced through my cancers is the love of God, whether it is feeling His love in my spirit, or through the cards/emails/visits of people I know.
So when I reach the end of MY rope, I remember that I'm God's child, so He is holding me up, with His everlasting arms of love.