Friday, September 25, 2015


The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.

So goes the dictionary definition of disappointment. My hopes came crashing down today.  
I've wanted to run the Akron Marathon relay team since I started at the University of Akron.  The first year, I was fresh out of chemo and radiation, but still wanted to give it a shot.  However, a mere 3 weeks weren't hardly enough to attempt a couple mile run! The next year, I was supposed to be at home for the first 2 weeks of school, after a 2 week PICU stint, but I played hooky from home and went to school. Seeing as I could barely walk when classes started, the marathon was kinda out of the question.  Last fall, came after a rough summer, as I was dealing with several stomach and endocrine issues.  So  this spring, I determined that nothing was going to stop me from preparing and participating in this college-long dream.  Looks like I'll have one more year to make that dream come true.  I started training in early summer.  I hate running or exercising in general, but envisioning the marathon and fulfilling this four-year long dream, spurred me on.  I started at walking just a mile, but gradually built it up to 4 miles, and then to running chunks of it.  I was in better shape than I've probably ever been in my life!
*insert screeching halt*
I got a cold Wednesday, and this morning was having trouble with coughing and breathing, which prompted oncology to want to see me.  Well, one chest x-ray and two breathing treatments later, they forbid me to run.  My lung situation, combined with a recently concerning cardiology situation, didn't present a good mix.  I understand their concern, and combined with other circumstances, it was the right decision.  But that didn't make the aftermath any easier.  It hurts.  I was doing a "good" thing; and it had to end like this.  The day before the race.  Not only did it get my hopes up quite high, and set me back nearly $50, it also left my team scrambling for a replacement.  Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to consider medical stuff whenever I make a decision- I just want to make a decision based on what I want to do, and not have to consider if I can physically make it.  Well, there ends that.  I've got one last year to shoot for running it while in college.  I heard this song on the radio this morning, before anything noted in this post happened. At first, it seemed weird to end with this, but the more I reflected, I realized just how much God has brought me through, and I think this really fits. Impossible, by Building 429 

You got a vision, you got a dream
But it feels a million miles away
You got your passion, you got to believe
That this is why you were made

It takes a little time to see
I said it takes a little time
Takes a little time
It takes a little time to believe

We can rise above the typical
And be anything but usual
We know, we know, we know
That there's no such thing as impossible
And nothing is unreachable
When we trust the God of miracles
We know, we know, we know
That there's no such thing as impossible

We're never given the spirit of fear
Only the power of love
We'll keep on running and not grow weak
His strength is more than enough

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